In
many custody cases, the mother is trying to get full custody over a child where
the father doesn’t care or isn’t fit to care for his child. However, there also
happen to be cases in which the father is fighting instead of the mother. Where
he thinks the mother is unfit to care for their child. “For the basis for these
cases is always a concrete occasion when the mother’s and the father’s goals
are mutually exclusive. In that context, equal treatment cannot be achieved. Rather, one must prevail over the other in the
dispute. Any father seeking his “rights” in such a case is claiming that his
desires should not merely equal but supersede those of the mother”. (p 89,
Bordo) What Bordo says in “Are Mothers Persons?” relates to many cases that
exist currently and/or recently.
I
know personally of three families in which the father had to go to court for
full custody of at least one of their children; my family being one of them.
When my dad went to court for custody of my older brother, he had to provide
more reasons than my brother’s mother as to why he wanted to have sole custody
(with visitation of course). Although my dad won his case, the father doesn’t
always come out on top. Instead many times the judge favors the mother before
the case ever enters the courtroom.
“The
seemingly incontrovertible fact that only the mother experiences pregnant embodiment is a powerful impediment to
the father’s-rights position”. (p 91) As the article says, today many people
refer to a couple as pregnant, yet however this isn’t the case when the father
and mother are not exclusively together. Although I am a female with the
potential to one day become a mother, I don’t believe that it is right for
women to have sole ownership of their child. A child is born to two parents, the
exception being a sperm donor, in which both the mother and father are to care
for them unconditionally. In the case that one parent isn’t fit to take care of
that child; either the mother or the father should step in instead. If this
means that the father has full custody of his son or daughter than it should be
easy for him to receive that custody instead of having to go to court against
the mother.
Laws
tend to lead towards the woman’s side when the issue at hand is a custody
hearing. However, as we mentioned in class today, women tend to be told they
can’t have abortions or that having an abortion is wrong. In this case, the
fetus (potential child) has more rights than the women, even though this
affects her and the father as well. Yet, if the father wants to keep the baby
and the mother doesn’t, she can go ahead and abort the baby anyway, resulting
in the father once again having fewer rights than the mother, since she carries
the fetus and he doesn’t. Since the woman doesn’t want the child, it can be her
choice as to whether or not she decides to keep it. Yet, the father doesn’t get
to have a choice in the matter at hand since he doesn’t physically carry the
fetus inside of him as the mother does.
Although,
yes, women aren’t given many rights by the government when it comes to
reproducing, men are granted even less. This is something that will be hard to
change since the rights are likely to stay in favor of the mother since it
affects her body too. Nevertheless, men need to gain rights when it comes to
their children as well.
I feel that because women are so disproportionately tasked with taking care of their children during and after birth, they are also granted a sort of benefit of the doubt when it comes to custody of that child - innocent until proven guilty, if you will. After all, conception -- that is, birthing a baby and not simply getting pregnant -- is sort of a one-woman show. Men are certainly involved, and some may contribute a lot of time throughout the entire process, yet when it comes to actually birthing the baby they merely have a walk-on role.
ReplyDeleteAnd that's why I feel that men, in a way, are sort of discriminated against when it comes to being granted custody of children. Although they may, in many cases, be the more responsible of the two, women are almost always expected to be the caretaker of their children. Therefore, in court cases women might often come out ahead even if they exhibit some irresponsibility simply because the expectations of women as caretakers of their children typically outweigh the testimony of the accuser.
Which makes you wonder, is this fair? Do women deserve to have a greater benefit of the doubt because they are the bodies that breathe life into their children?
Maybe it isn't completely fair that men have fewer rights when it comes to their unborn children, but life isn't fair. I think what a woman has to go through in terms of deciding what she is going to do with her unborn child is her choice alone. Obviously she can and should be influenced by the people she loves around her, but they can't decide for her in the case of abortion. Once the child is born it's a different story and lots of times mothers are unfit and the father is able to gain custody (like in the case of your father), but at the end of the day it's not the man who is physically carrying the child and has to live with the decisions. In one of the examples Bordo uses, a woman's boy friend was able to get a court order to stop her from getting an abortion without her testimony. The decision was based solely on what he told the judge. I appreciate and think that it's great that he cares, but it shouldn't be only on his word. Maybe men need more rights, but I think that we need to address the subjectivity of the mother first before we can start thinking about the men.
ReplyDeleteI appreciate you bringing up “Are Father’s Persons?” That is a viewpoint I have not really taken the time to evaluate and consider. I agree that it is not right for women to have sole ownership of their child when a male played an essential role in the creation of that child. Its understandable that laws usually favor the woman’s side because we are typically the nurturers of the family and we physically carry the baby for 9 months. As far as abortion goes I feel like a mother should take into consideration the opinion of the father but in the end I agree that it should ultimately be the mothers choice. Yes it is the father’s baby too but it is her body that the baby is affecting. When concerning custody hearings it is definitely not fair for the mother to automatically be favored, this should all be circumstantial; a mother is not always the best custodian. I don’t know how realistic it is but yes, men do need to gain more rights when it comes to their children.
ReplyDeleteYeah! I appreciate you bringing this blog for fathers. Many would have the same opinion like yours then they can express their feeling. For men,
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