Are "perfect" mothers persons?

Is our culture trying to mold from its women an “ideal mother figure?” I certainly think so. Motherhood is seen as the pinnacle of female success. Is a woman really seen as a woman if she doesn’t have kids? Are mothers who pay attention to themselves bad parents? Are women who give themselves wholly to their children perfect parents? These are questions that popped into my head while reading “Are Mothers Persons?” and “The Black Stork”.

In the last section we covered about athletic bodies, we recognized that female athletes need to show their femininity to be seen as “straight” or “normal” women. The emphasis on family was enormous. The picture of the pregnant basketball star on the cover of a sports magazine had the headline “a star is born.” This made me think “isn’t that woman already a star?” It seems like female athletes need to show their fertility to be accepted. The photo of Dara Torres also emphasized her role as a mother. These pictures seemed to say “look, I’m a real woman, I have kids.” Does this mean that without kids, a woman is missing part of herself? In my hometown, there are women who decide not to have children, but they sure do get criticized for it. Their sexuality is scrutinized, their fertility is questioned, and in the end come the comments like “that’s just too bad.” I’m sure it’s not just my town that does this.

Another part of “Are Mothers Persons” that stuck out to me was the incident with the mother having a drink at a restaurant (82). I certainly don’t think women who intend to have healthy children should be drinking alcohol while pregnant, but it was this woman’s choice. The backlash towards her was outrageous though! She was condemned on television for being a bad mother! Why is it anyone’s business what a grown woman wants to do with herself? I suppose it is because the fetus is a super-subject and overrides the mother’s right to free will (80). The “bad mother” is a perfect example of how a mother has her subjectivity taken away while pregnant. This removal of personhood can even take legal form, with women who do drugs ending up in jail on counts of abuse to a child that isn’t even born yet (81, 82).

From reading the pieces and from cultural observation, I believe a socially “perfect mother” gives up all of her rights for the sake of her child. Where have these reasons stemmed from? Is it religion? Is it the reoccurring cycle of patriarchy? In class today, Sam made a point that women are the main caregivers to their infants, they carry them for 9 months then breast feed them. This is true, and a man certainly can’t do that, but why has society implanted this ideal that the man does much less than the woman when it comes to caring for their child? If a father can have a sense of self and do what he wants, why can’t a mother?

It seems that there is an extremely thin thread that lies between “perfect” and “awful” motherhood. When does this thread break? Is it when the woman claims her personhood? I think so. What needs to be done about these quick categorizations is for people to realize that when they place the “perfect mother” image on someone, they are taking away their rights to be their own person. Not everyone is perfect, and all parents make mistakes sometimes, but the mistakes they make certainly don’t determine their value as a human being.