Staring, it's Natural

               For as long as I remember, staring has made me uncomfortable. Obviously, this is only in certain circumstances. I’m fine with staring at someone to be funny, or to look a second too long when I see a person’s outfit. In fact, staring has only made me uncomfortable when it wasn’t in moderation or when it was someone I didn’t know. I’m not saying I don’t stare from time to time, its natural, but staring in general makes me uncomfortable.

                Up until the last two years or so, I spent time every summer (and various times throughout the year) going to visit my Aunt Dana. Although I’d met her tons of times, she couldn’t remember me, she couldn’t address me, and I’m not even sure if she could register that I was there. My Aunt Dana was forever doomed to live in a home for the disabled since about her third birthday. Thus meaning, that if I ever wished to see the woman I was named after, I had to also be around various other disabled people.

                There was this one man at my Aunt’s home that made lots of noises. He was an older man, maybe ten years older than my parents, and he made lots of noises. I don’t remember much other than that, except that unlike my aunt he could walk. However, I remember not being able to look at him, or not wanting to signal attention to him at least. It made me uncomfortable and I didn’t want to point out that I could hear him when I wasn’t supposed to be there seeing him.

                Perhaps this was about the time I became uncomfortable with staring. Perhaps it didn’t help that by the end of elementary school both of my parents worked at our local hospital. Being around people who were viewed as ‘different’ stopped being uncommon and these types of people stopped sticking out to me. Instead, I stopped what I assume was staring since I don’t actually remember. Other people may have stared but I just felt bad for them for being stared at. It made me uncomfortable to stare because I knew it would make them uncomfortable.

                My family doesn’t really talk about staring, not usually. We all still reference the time my brother was little and stared at girls in bikini’s on the beach. Or we’ll all look a little too long in disgust at a couple making out- save it for your private life. Or we all stare at that annoying kid who won’t stop screaming or kicking our seats on airplanes. Sometimes we scold one another for staring, but I don’t really remember being lectured not to stare. By this point, I think not staring is common knowledge.

 Its human nature to stare, as Garland-Thompson suggests in her book Staring: How We Look. Everyone stares, just not necessarily at the same types of people/things. Staring goes hand in hand with looking, whether you mean to stare or not there is still the chance to make someone uncomfortable.