Lately I’ve been paralleling “the talk” to a confusion that runs deep into the blood of American culture and society surrounding sex. When I say “the talk” what I am referring to is the small scope of information about sex and babies that some parents give to their younger children before they reach the cusp of whatever age. This really clichéd and insufficient information is supposed to tide kids over until parents can no longer shelter their kids from the elements of the world, and the “hard” questions have to be dealt with. The problem with “the talk” is that it is completely insufficient and kind of a brain washer, basically telling kids that when they grow older they will conform to the social standards around them and have kids with a loving husband or wife. This is problematic because it does not take into account the many different gender identities that are present in every single person around them or the fact that life may generally not be like this. Now before I go on, I want to be sensitive to the fact that, number one, parents don’t always give the talk to their children and if they do, they are not all the same and number 2, that we did not all have parents growing up in the world. But in general there are still many misconceptions growing up that can turn into monsters if one is not given the knowledge to combat it.
The many misconceptions that are spurred from “the talk” and other misconceptions around gender identity in general have suffocated a growing people who are itching to be free from the gender norms that don’t define them. The word for these glorious gender identities in between the norm would be transgender. Transgender refers to the fluidity of gender identities, not just tying itself down to any certain category. The word transgender means a lot of different things to a lot of different people but it expresses that there is no perfectly placed box that everyone in the world fits under in regards to gender. There is no black and white but instead, there is a majesty of colors represented in all of us with different shades and hues. Because of talks like “the talk” and other cultural and societal misconceptions surrounding gender identities, the word and the act of being transgender has become labeled in a negative light. This is not okay because we then aren’t given a chance to understand that there will be differences in gender identities in other people and we all need to know that transgender does exist and that it occurs in real life. Now I’m not suggesting that all parents and sex ed. classes should spring up the topic of transgender to kids who will no doubt be confused but being open and accepting about gender identities, I imagine, would help. “The talk” should maybe then be called “the explanation” and should be given a couple hours to digest and reflect upon.
The infamous talk, where to start? Your point about conforming to societal gender roles is often lumped in with the sex talk, which goes to show how assumptive we are that gender binaries are solid facts. I looked to see what is floating around regarding transgendered children and found a book called the Princess Boy. Not having read the book but what I have read about it, it seems to empower feminine traits by allowing for the boy to embrace femininity. To me it seems a useful method of changing future generations ideas of "gender entitlement" (Serano). The book does not dive into the sex talk but it could act as a great tool for which to preface a more complete and productive discussion around sex.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.myprincessboy.com/index.asp
I believe that the "talk" that parents eventually have with thier kids is very much so exclusive. I think its particulary this way because many parents may not accept their children to be anything other than strictly heterosexual. For a child who may be interested in same-sex relations, this talk can be terrifying because the parent practically tells the child their own expectations and desires regarding their sexual futures. It gives the child no choice. I think that if this talk was less conformative, children could have another outlet when they find themselves frustrated in not knowing exaclty how to manage their own desires versus those which our "normative" society ascribes to them. Exploring sexuality would probably be less complicating, if parents could give their child an opportunity to be something other than what they expect.
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ReplyDeleteDuane, you brought up so many interesting points! Looks like "the talk" has gotten even more complicated. But hey, that's as it should be. A possible solution I thought to the problem presented is a separation of "where do babies come from?" and "what is sex?" It's heterocentric and incorrect to assume that people only have sex to reproduce. When a child asks, a parent/adult should tell them the truth---a baby comes from a egg, produced in the females body, being fertilized, thus impregnated, by sperm that is produced in a males body. (Of course, this is also slightly problematic due to the complexities of impregnation. What with in vitro fertilization, and the infamous "Pregnant Man" that got a lot of media attention a couple years ago.)
ReplyDeleteThis simple explanation leaves out any mention of penises, of vaginas, or "two people that really love each other." It's simple science.
If a child asks the question “what is sex” (in the sense of sexual activities, not gender identification) a person can explain that there are many different ways of expressing sexual love with others---including those between a male and woman, two males, two females, a transsexual female and a male, a trans-female and a female, etc.etc.
By doing this children are given correct and complete information about the origin of babies, while at the same time are able to disassociate baby making with sex. This way transgender existence is not marginalized and neither is it presented as something non normative.
What do you think about this suggestion?
(Link to interview with the “Pregnant Man” who I mentioned: http://articles.cnn.com/2008-11-18/us/lkl.beatie.qanda_1_pregnant-man-sperm-bank-nancy?_s=PM:US )
I dig your suggestion, Rachel. Ideas like yours and Duane's give me hope for kids in the future that'll have a much less complicated (and much more complicated) view of sex. Giving an honest and multifaceted answer as to where babies come from just might lead the way to more understanding about why it is that a classmate of theirs has two mothers, or why another child looks drastically different from those they call their parents. With the way that most people explain sex and how babies get here, it is assumed that the families of most children center around a hetero man and woman. But we all know that life is so much more complicated than that.
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